If every teacher had the power to summon a pair of child-maiming grizzly avengers, you can bet that schoolchildren nowadays would be the most well-behaved, polite children, ever. Continue Reading BelowĬhristians are constantly asking for prayer in schools to help get today's kids in line, but we beg to differ. Moses later defeated the Egyptian Pharaoh, who, if we remember correctly, had been using Hebrew slaves to construct a 40-foot-high armored battle suit capable of launching nuclear missiles to anywhere in the world. Moses, seen here, is about to murder the hell out of an unsuspecting Egyptian. "Well," he quips, "looks like someone bit off more than he could Jew." As the lifeless body slumps to the ground, Moses lights up a cigar. Moving with cat-like grace, he sneaks up behind the soldier and, taking his head in his hands, snaps the man's neck with one savage twist. You can almost picture the scene: An Egyptian soldier is wailing on a hapless Hebrew when Moses, clothed in head-to- toe black, drops down from the ceiling. Martin Luther King may have had a dream, but Moses had a body count. Most people don't know that he also was the Biblical equivalent of Splinter Cell's Sam Fisher-a well-honed killing machine, able to slay from the shadows without pity or remorse. Sure, Moses was a great leader, an emancipator of his people and a prophet.
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